How many pens does it take to write one exam

Today I brought three pens with me to my exam and all of them ran out of ink while I was writing.

The important question is, how many pens should I bring to be safe but without looking as though I care about school? Karl Lagerfeld once said that you should make your hard work seem effortless. Even though everything he says is ridiculous, he does have a point here. After all, the purpose of life is to make everyone jealous that you're such an amazing person.

Today I was ambitiously making two photocopies at the library when I overheard this exchange between two gentlemen waiting for the elevator:

- She's a dirty whore.

- Why, what has she done?

- She hasn't done anything; it's the things that she says.

- Well, she must have done something....

- It's just her attitude. It's just the way that she is that makes me hate her.

I felt great admiration toward the girl of whom the two spoke. All of my dirty whore friends and I have done so many things and people to earn the title of "dirty whore." Who is this girl, and how is she so talented that she doesn't even have to actually do anything to be called a dirty whore? Maybe she was born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.

Today I heard someone ask another, "Do you want to do Tim Horton's for dinner?"

By far the most disturbing thing I've heard all day.

Today I met a volunteer named Rachel at the AGH. This was our conversation:

- Do you go to Mac?

- Yes.

- What are you in?

- Art History. Do you go to Mac, as well?

- No, I'm in Grade 12. I'm applying to Sheridan for Journalism. The thing is, I have, like, two friends--we're super tight--and we originally planned to go to college in California because my one friend--do you watch The Hills?

- Yeah, I've watched it before.

- So, do you know Lauren Conrad?

- Yes.

- Well, my one friend wants to do what Lauren Conrad does--

- What does she do?

- She's a stylist. Anyway, we realized that we don't have enough money to go to California so we're all going to study in Toronto instead.

So, there you have it: Lauren Conrad is a stylist and an inspiration, and Toronto is a poor (wo)man's version of California.

Noteworthy middle-aged individuals on the public transit

1. Man in drab camouflage parka and black and white camouflage snowpants (one should always be prepared for battle).

2. Man wearing one plastic glove on his right hand.

3. Woman listening to yellow and black portable cassette player, mouthing lyrics enthusiastically, head bobbing up and down to the beat.

Last night a huge, muscular white man approached me at Absinthe.

- Hey! You're cute. What's your name?

- Tara.

- I'm Zane. So, how come you don't have an Asian name?

- That's racist.

- Oh no, I'm not a racist! I'm not trying to sound racist; I'm just interested in your culture.

- Okay, but I was born in Canada.

And then I stabbed him in the stomach with a toothpick. (Just kidding.)

My roommate and his boyfriend whilst cooking dinner:

- My hands start to shake when I'm really hungry.

- Awkward!

Sometimes I start panting when I'm starving, but shaking--so awkward!