NSFW

- "C isn't coming in to work today because her husband is taking medication for his surgery and he accidentally took five Tylenol's. She took him to the hospital but now they're back home and she's decided to stay home with him today."

- "Oh dear, I hope he's okay!"

- "She said he's doing fine."

- "Oh, that's good."

- "Her husband is dumb."

Evacuate the forest!

"Is someone having a barbeque?"

Smooth 24/7

I stepped from the lobby onto the elevator and pressed G. I thought to myself, How embarrassing, and then pressed the button for the correct floor just as a girl walked in. She pressed the button for the second floor. I thought to myself, Who does that...what an asshole. Then the elevator doors slid open and she slowly limped out. Guess who felt like an asshole then? Not me!

PowerPoint faux pas

L came by my cubicle for a break and we started discussing PowerPoint (a highly popular topic during the recession). She said, "I hate when people use those transition effects," and then made a vomiting motion. 

Not your average nun

My co-worker L and I decided to eat lunch on campus under the sun. A black nun came by and asked if one of us could take a photo of her. L did not react eagerly to the proposal, so I agreed to do it. I saw it as an excellent opportunity for penance. This nun was very picky so I think my sin slate is clean. 

I took a pretty divine shot of her in front of Hamilton Hall but she told me that her face was too small. So I zoomed in to take a better shot; at that moment a gust of wind made her robe flutter in the air. I thought it was a dynamic shot that made her look edgy yet still holy but she didn't like it. The third time around her face was the right size and there was no wind. "It's perfect," she declared with a smile. I responded with a "great" in the tone that signals the conclusion of interaction but she ignored it (how immoral!). She went on, "Can you take a photo of me while I walk toward you?" She walked as though God had spoken to her and said, "You shall be a nun model."*

Afterward I asked her, "What are these photos for?" She replied, "I would love to be in the 2010 Catholic nun calendar."* 

*Not really.

I dream about dust

I have recurring dreams about being late for school, not being able to find my class, missing exams, going on trips and forgetting to bring my suitcase, being topless in public, etc. Last night I dreamt that I was late for work--a first since tomorrow is the first day of my first ever job.* 

Although I would much rather dream about more pleasant subjects such as sneezing rainbows out of my nose, these anxiety-induced dreams remind me to do important things (such as putting on a shirt before going out) and be punctual for school and work. On the other hand, I never dream about being late to meet my friends or parents so I usually show up thirty minutes late. The point of this post is that I think sneezing rainbows would be fun.

*First appears thrice--probably a grammatical faux pas.

Food baby

My mom told me this story yesterday:

We used to have an Indian neighbour who would babysit your sister. The neighbour would get mad when I was late to pick her up, but it was because I would fall asleep on the bus and miss my stop. Anyway, when we got home your sister always smelled like curry.

Hero on the loose

My father and I went out out for lunch downtown on Tuesday. On the way there he enthusiastically said, "We go to Shopsy's, order chicken wing, and we drink beer, and we get drunk, hahaha! Your mom, she doesn't know." 

Anger management

My parents possess the unique capacity to extinguish my sense of composure in a heartbeat. I become aggravated so easily and strongly that I often catch myself raising my voice in public. I am exactly like those parents who chide their children while passersby furtively watch, cringing inside with embarrassment for the family.