Noteworthy middle-aged individuals on the public transit

1. Man in drab camouflage parka and black and white camouflage snowpants (one should always be prepared for battle).

2. Man wearing one plastic glove on his right hand.

3. Woman listening to yellow and black portable cassette player, mouthing lyrics enthusiastically, head bobbing up and down to the beat.

Last night a huge, muscular white man approached me at Absinthe.

- Hey! You're cute. What's your name?

- Tara.

- I'm Zane. So, how come you don't have an Asian name?

- That's racist.

- Oh no, I'm not a racist! I'm not trying to sound racist; I'm just interested in your culture.

- Okay, but I was born in Canada.

And then I stabbed him in the stomach with a toothpick. (Just kidding.)

My roommate and his boyfriend whilst cooking dinner:

- My hands start to shake when I'm really hungry.

- Awkward!

Sometimes I start panting when I'm starving, but shaking--so awkward!

If I wanted to be confused I would have opened a book

- Hello?

- Hi, is the kitchen still open?

- Yes.

- I'd like to order for take-out, please.

- Sorry, the kitchen is closed.

- Oh.

While waiting at a bus stop, a middle-aged woman decided to strike up a conversation with me--despite the fact that I had my earphones on (some people just don't get it).

- Do you go to McMaster?

- (I take my earphones off.) Sorry?

- Do you go to McMaster?

- Yes.

- What are you studying?

- I'm in Art History.

- Oh, what kind of art do you make?

- I don't make art; I study art...history.

Some people really just don't get it.

I was talking to my thirty-something-year-old coworker and used the phrase "keep it on the DL." She didn't know what "DL" meant. I explained it to her and she said to me, "See, you speak young, sexy, Internet language. I speak old lady language."

Lesson of the Day: If you are looking to seduce an older man or woman, use as many acronyms as possible to intensify your sex appeal and aura of mystery.

My great friend just emailed me a photo of a message I wrote in my friend's yearbook in grade 12.