Troll

Throughout the winter months, my static hair clings to my face so fiercely. I already Googled how to solve this insufferable problem, but the proposed methods do not interest me. No, I do not want to use leave-in conditioner. No, I do not want to pat my hair with fabric softener sheets throughout the day (especially in public). Does this mean that I am doomed to be a victim of my maniacal mane every winter for the rest of my days?