Not everyone can handle the suburbs

My parents tell me a story about how they discovered a bag of bread suspiciously hanging on the handle of their front door one morning. 

As there was no note attached to the bag, it was not possible to identify the culprit using evidence such as handwriting or fingerprints. My father set out to interrogate our neighbours regarding the incident but somehow got sidetracked (probably by Tim Horton's); he did not return until the evening to report that the next door neighbour had purchased the bread on sale and generously left it on our door as a surprise gift. The news came too late, however, as my mother had already thrown the bread in the garbage because "who knew what someone could have put in it." Apparently vigilance against anthrax is a critical aspect of suburban living.

My father concludes the narrative with this succinct message: "Your mom's thinking is not normal!"