How to deal with lonely people: a concise guide for those who are not lonely

Some things that people fear the most are heights, bugs, and clowns. My greatest fear is Judy Dench's character in Notes on a Scandal. She possesses many of the traits and tendencies of one who suffers from perennial loneliness:

+ Excessive and distorted analysis of interpersonal encounters

+ Intense gaze

+ Loves cats

+ Hates children

+ Keeps a diary

+ Perceives any minute sign of affection as an expression of romantic interest

+ Projects an aloof, impenetrable attitude

+ Crazy

The fact that Dench's character possesses all of these characteristics and is old makes her incredibly frightening -- perhaps because old people are supposed to be cute and laid-back professional television watchers and knitting machines.

The main point I'm trying to make is this: if you know anyone who possesses three or more of the aforementioned traits, stay away!!! Or be mean to them.*

*A last resort if you've run out of pepper spray.