Pick one: improve yourself / I'm a loser / you're a loser

Today I saw a license plate that read "TRIHARD." Is it intended to be motivational? Self-deprecating? Offensive?

I was marking an assignment and came across this sentence: "Buddhism started with a unique Indian named Siddhartha Gautama..."

Hahahaaa

My supervisor likes when her phone numbers spell out words because it is easier to remember them. She told me that her last phone number spelled out VAG USER. She pronounced VAG as "vague," but I knew what she really meant to say.

I walked by two girls sitting on a bench outside the library. I heard only one word of their conversation; it was "masturbation."

Hilarious

Poor Sally

During my daily visit to my favourite tea shop, I became involved in a rather engaging conversation with the staff, who we'll call Sally and Sue. They told me that last week a crazy man came in, didn't buy anything, but instead told Sally about a girl who was a recent victim of a grisly murder in Shanghai. Sally, who is Korean, was afraid that the story was meant to serve as a foreshadowing of her own fate, so after he left she phoned the police. A police officer came to speak to Sally and Sue, and they both thought that he was absolutely gorgeous. Sue said, "He had blonde hair, large blue eyes, and he was younger than me--but I can look, can't I? I'm not dead!" Sally added, "He was sooo good looking." Sue told me to look out for an officer with badge no. 500. Desiring to indulge her, I replied that I certainly would.

Sue went on to say that the mall is full of creeps. She told me that there used to be a regular who was pretty cute and nice, so naturally she encouraged Sally to make some romance with him. Sally complied and went on a date with the man at the Art Gallery of Hamilton. He always wore a cap, but on their date he took it off--as any gentleman should--and Sally discovered that he was balding. She didn't mind, though, because she still thought that he was cute. After their date, however, Sally began to receive numerous text messages from him, all of which were about sex. "He was a sex addict!" Sue exclaimed. Having learned her lesson, she vowed never to urge Sally to date a customer again.

Austin's First Birthday Party