Today I heard someone ask another, "Do you want to do Tim Horton's for dinner?"

By far the most disturbing thing I've heard all day.

Today I met a volunteer named Rachel at the AGH. This was our conversation:

- Do you go to Mac?

- Yes.

- What are you in?

- Art History. Do you go to Mac, as well?

- No, I'm in Grade 12. I'm applying to Sheridan for Journalism. The thing is, I have, like, two friends--we're super tight--and we originally planned to go to college in California because my one friend--do you watch The Hills?

- Yeah, I've watched it before.

- So, do you know Lauren Conrad?

- Yes.

- Well, my one friend wants to do what Lauren Conrad does--

- What does she do?

- She's a stylist. Anyway, we realized that we don't have enough money to go to California so we're all going to study in Toronto instead.

So, there you have it: Lauren Conrad is a stylist and an inspiration, and Toronto is a poor (wo)man's version of California.

Noteworthy middle-aged individuals on the public transit

1. Man in drab camouflage parka and black and white camouflage snowpants (one should always be prepared for battle).

2. Man wearing one plastic glove on his right hand.

3. Woman listening to yellow and black portable cassette player, mouthing lyrics enthusiastically, head bobbing up and down to the beat.

Last night a huge, muscular white man approached me at Absinthe.

- Hey! You're cute. What's your name?

- Tara.

- I'm Zane. So, how come you don't have an Asian name?

- That's racist.

- Oh no, I'm not a racist! I'm not trying to sound racist; I'm just interested in your culture.

- Okay, but I was born in Canada.

And then I stabbed him in the stomach with a toothpick. (Just kidding.)

My roommate and his boyfriend whilst cooking dinner:

- My hands start to shake when I'm really hungry.

- Awkward!

Sometimes I start panting when I'm starving, but shaking--so awkward!

If I wanted to be confused I would have opened a book

- Hello?

- Hi, is the kitchen still open?

- Yes.

- I'd like to order for take-out, please.

- Sorry, the kitchen is closed.

- Oh.

While waiting at a bus stop, a middle-aged woman decided to strike up a conversation with me--despite the fact that I had my earphones on (some people just don't get it).

- Do you go to McMaster?

- (I take my earphones off.) Sorry?

- Do you go to McMaster?

- Yes.

- What are you studying?

- I'm in Art History.

- Oh, what kind of art do you make?

- I don't make art; I study art...history.

Some people really just don't get it.