The truth of the matter is that I can't think of a good title for this post

Yesterday I spontaneously decided that I absolutely needed a Casio Digital Illuminator Gold Watch. Thank god there are a gazillion on eBay. Once it arrives I will put it on and never take it off unless absolutely necessary, like if someone with a dangerous look were to ask me for it.

By the way, spontaneous shopping on eBay is an oxymoron. I mean, I did make the purchase spontaneously but now I have to wait 15-20 business days before it arrives! This makes me want to type in capital letters so that I can poignantly express my DISSATISFACTION.

Rick Levine: muggle version of Professor Trelawney

My daily Google horoscope currently reads: "You are touched by magic today..." Of course there are more sentences after that but everything else seems rather trivial compared to being touched by magic.

Upon further thought, Rick Levine (the writer of the Google horoscopes) may simply be referring to the conversations I had today at work about the new Harry Potter movie.

Rick is adept at making every day sound much more sensational than it ever turns out to be. But I must say, his accuracy is greater than that of Google Weather.

Instead of doing homework I decided to customize my desktop. Isn't it FUN?

Tale of EPIC PROPORTIONS

Dear Reader,

Today I was standing behind a hefty old black lady as she was stepping off the bus; at that moment a blind, corpulent white man walked by and swung his walking stick, causing the lady to trip and fall flat on her face! She lay sprawled across the wet sidewalk. I said, "OH MY GOD." The man paused briefly as passersby gasped in shock, but then he simply continued walking down the street as if nothing had happened. What nerve!

The bus driver helped the lady get up. She looked bewildered. She wasn't badly hurt but she'll probably be sore for a while.

Signing off,

Lady Tara Misu

Foreign fashion with flavour

A group of Chinese ESL adolescents came to the McMaster Museum of Art for a tour. I was asked to do "crowd control," which is a dramatic term for gallery monitoring. Here are some things I noted:

+ Ponytails fastened with scrunchies

+ A girl wearing white socks and silver bejeweled sandals

+ Floral Converse high tops

+ A boy wearing a paper mask beneath his glasses with holes for his eyes and nose

+ A boy wearing a shirt that said:

NO

BITCH

ASS

NESS

Sean John

My guardian angel works at a pizza place

I was riding my bike home and feeling totally carefree. Right before the intersection I decided to switch gears -- a great folly. Suddenly, in the middle of the road, pedaling failed to propel my bike forward! What a kerfuffle. After dismounting and crossing to the other side of the road, I observed that the bike chain was no longer wrapped around the chain ring but was drooping loosely. I was alarmed but said to myself, "Tara, you were born to fix this bike."

I set to work rewrapping the chain around the chain ring but it was impossible, like a Rubik's Cube. My hands became saturated in black grease. I waved my index finger in the air like a wand and shouted "Reparo!" but nothing happened. Many cars passed by; I could almost hear the drivers thinking, "That young lady looks like she's in a kerfuffle that she can't get out of." I gave up and decided to walk home.

As I passed by Tim Horton's a young man stepped out of his black Mercedes Benz and asked if I needed help fixing my bike. He said he had seen me by the side of the road and wanted to help but had to park his car somewhere first. He repaired my bike in three seconds flat. Then he offered me a paper towel to wipe the grease off my hand! I thanked him profusely and said that he was a saviour; he replied, "Just buy pizza from Master Pizza. We deliver." I said that I would buy a lot of pizzas from Master Pizza, and then we parted. 

This "man" was no doubt my guardian angel. One does not drive a Mercedes and work at a pizza place. You know how it is, guardian angels have to make up stories about themselves so that the people they watch over don't suspect them, but sometimes their stories conflict and then they get discovered. This is what I learned from watching Touched By An Angel.

Being a loser does not come naturally

During lecture my professor made an L-shape with her hand and placed it on her forehead to label herself a loser for making a Lord of the Rings reference, but she accidentally used her left hand so that the "L" was backwards. Isn't that funny and embarrassing? To fail at calling yourself a loser?

Swami delight

I ran into J at the GO station and we rode the bus back to Hamilton together. I like talking to J because she enjoys sharing words of wisdom. During our conversation she declared, "One can not drink and still be successful." J also told me that she was my swami; I did not know what she was talking about.

Oops

I am at work and absolutely hungover. Just now I was staring at "hungover" for ten seconds because it doesn't look like an actual word. Basically, I am useless right now. Why am I writing this post? To remind myself not to be "hungover" (?) for work again. 

P.S. Dear Jesus Christ, C was egged last night while we were waiting for the bus. I'm wondering if you could give her something good (like a cake) to compensate for her suffering. Thanks in advance.