Truisms

During a lovely dinner at Maccheroni, we established a few absolute truths/laws:

1. Old people are not allowed to wear fragrances that stimulate youthful associations.* For instance, Cool Water by Davidoff.

2. No person is capable of accurately explaining the distinctions among hens, roosters, chickens, and turkeys.

3. Imitation church pews are an inappropriate form of seating within a restaurant (unless it is based on a Christian theme).

4. For those who are bicycle-less, receiving a bicycle light as a Christmas gift is worse than receiving nothing.

5. It is rare to receive a Christmas gift that is both entirely unexpected and genuinely pleasing.

*I even went further to suggest that old people should not be permitted to use certain shampoos, such as Herbal Essences. I was immediately criticized as an extremist. Surely, the imitation church pews had something to do with my sudden bout of austerity.