Analogies aid understanding

It is mandatory for every fourth year Health Sciences student to read a set of supplementary applications written by secondary school applicants. Most of them are monotonous in their meticulous refinement, but if you're lucky you will get some rotten eggs which are the most fun to read. Here is a (hardly) paraphrased example of one: 

I am an excellent problem solver who can discern the best solution to a problem almost immediately. I am always the first person that my friends turn to for help and they are satisfied with my advice every time. 

These statements are the equivalent of meeting someone on a blind date and introducing yourself in this manner: Hi, I am amazing in bed and every person I bang leaves satisfied...every time.