Tonight: a review

The early evening unfolded as familiarly as a morning routine: feeling the stress of limited time, laboriously synthesizing a never-before-seen outfit, and experiencing an urgent desire for a drink. Though initially appearing to follow a predictable trajectory, the evening deviated as swiftly as my consumption of alcohol.

Earlier on in the day I had lamented that parties are frequently soured by at least one person's alcohol-fueled physical or emotional turmoil. I will concede that I secretly prided myself for never having been that Debbie Downer; however, I learned experientially this evening how careless pride inevitably leads to one's downfall.

It began as perfectly as a dream. We drank merrily, danced passionately, and shouted What don't you fucking understand? in feverish unison to RevoLucian's Christian Bale remix. I uncharacteristically downed three drinks in under an hour.

At the bar, I felt moved to express my drunken euphoria by bobbing up and down in my seat to the galvanizing music. As the night progressed, it seemed that the more water I drank, the more intoxicated I felt. Suddenly, my brain was pulsating, I could not open my eyes, and my head could no longer support itself.

I remained in this condition for the rest of the evening. My friends experimented with a wide spectrum of contradicting remedies. My arm was knocked out from underneath my chin, inducing an instant wave of dizziness. Water was repeatedly offered to me. Soiled, balled napkins were thrown at my face. The question Do you need anything? was delivered through a nauseating breeze of beer breath. The cardigan turned out to be the most effective and pragmatic palliative.

The persistent acceleration and deceleration of the cab on the way home propelled me to the edge of decency. Distracting myself with visions of a Magic Pony galloping across a uniformly blue sky did not help. Only when I settled into bed and refrained from any movement did I begin to gradually regain visceral composure.  


  1. I was probably the Debbie Downer tonight. But fuck them, I say.

  2. I obviously have some rage. Please ignore previous comment.

    I'm surprised that Magic Pony wasn't the remedy.

  3. Do you want to talk or something?

    I know, I totally thought that Magic Pony would work...like magic. But it didn't!