12.11.2009
Living poorly
I have just now acknowledged that there is a great disconnect between my perceptions of self and how I really am. I have always thought of myself as a positive person who rarely complains. I don't know if I ever even was this person, but if I was, somewhere along the line I became a negative person who is too critical and skeptical and doesn't like that many people. How did this happen? I need to undergo a self-transformation before I end up old and miserable and cats won't even want to be my friends. All this negativity and discontent must be related to the broader spiritual crisis that I'm currently experiencing, which is too overwhelming to overcome on my own. What am I supposed to do?
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The stress of school, as well as a different living situation, not to mention not having your friends close by to lean on, can definitely take a toll on your well being. Thinking about it all can be overwhelming. Just take it one day at a time, focus on the present challenges, and don't worry too much about the future. I think we all have moments in our lives where we are not who we expected ourselves to be, and that's ok. We just need to remember that we always have the power to change that.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Derek, your response is very comforting and enlightening. Since school started this term I've been feeling a kind of emptiness that I've attributed to spiritual neglect (whatever spirituality is), but you're right that it must also be related to the fact that I'm not living with close friends anymore. Of course, Sheri is here and makes me very happy, but because of school I've rarely seen her. I guess it took me this long to realize how much everyone leaving has affected me and I guess I'm not as stoic as I thought.
ReplyDeleteI think I also became too accepting of my personality flaws, thinking it was okay to be critical and skeptical because that's just who I am...but it's not really okay at all. But the last part you wrote does make me feel a lot better.
Anyway, thank you. You really are the greatest friend anyone could ask for!
Thank you for that beautiful messagee Tara, I realy appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteMight have something to do with the fact that you have an older sister who is critical and skeptical. But I am also always available for a chat over coffee - perhaps we are due one over the holidays? I will be typically critical and skeptical during our discussion. ;o)
ReplyDeleteI have also recently had a semi-similar experience, understanding that I am not necessarily who I think I am, or want to be. I've been looking at some literature by psychologists Karen Horney and Carl Rogers, which explain this kind of thing. When I get back down to Hamilton, we shall have a gander about all of this!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to it! Thanks, S. :)
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